Episode 04: "There Isn't Any Rice Here"Edit
Nalyd sat in the passenger seat at the front of the RV smiling, with no idea the camera on him. "Space, you suck at driving," Nalyd barked, "You almost hit a moose."
"Sorry, sir," Space said sheepishly.
Suddenly, Nalyd noticed the camerman laughing in front of him, and he jumped. "Oh! Welcome back to User Roadtrip!"
"Last time, two alliances on the heroes side were formed." A shot of Jay and Avery talking is shown. "Which is good, because the Heroes were beginning to get hella boring. Also, the Villains won their second challenge in a row, sending poor Mikey home, who was said to be too confident in being a swing vote. Plus--"
Nalyd suddenly fell over onto Jordan, who was standing behind him when Space made a sharp right turn. "Sorry sir," he said, "Almost missed the exit.
In the first class area, the Villains were relaxing. Dyna had grown unbelievably bored, so he decided to play a game with the fishing hook. He took a bunch of papers he found lying around the RV and put them in a big pile. He was sitting on a lounge chair fishing for pages. He wanted to catch a rare Featured User ballot, but he kept getting Total Drama America Weekend Specials.
"Hey," Dyna grinned, "I found one of Dra's video game sketches. Oh, and here's a picture of a really pretty woman in the shower."
Dra looked over at the picture. "That's me." He grabbed it angrily.
Suddenly, the RV jerked to a stop and the contestants walked out. They were in a big, cluttered city. Billboards were lined everywhere, swimming in a sky of fog.
Jay covered her eyes when she saw a huge billboard with a picture of a naked woman. "How disgusting!" she cried. Julian and Gideon ran to comfort her.
Maxwell: I love how transparent these people are. Jay is obviously working for a CP edit, and Dyna is trying to get some kind of MORP or something, I don't even know. I'm gonna need to step up my game.
"Where are we?" Toad asked, almost being hit by a truck.
"Nashville, Tennesse," Nalyd replied, taking a deep breathe, and then coughing.
"There's hobos everywhere," Duke said, glancing around uncomfortably.
"How sad," Julian frowned, "I need to cheer these people up!" Julian marched over to a homeless man.
The toothless man grinned, "Got any food?" Julian shook his head, "But I do have some Total Drama America exclusive content with YOUR name on it!"
Julian handed the man a stack of papers, causing him to frown and creep away.
"What are the doings of the here?" Bruno asked curiously.
"Today's challenge will be at the Old Spaghetti Factory," Nalyd explained, "A pretty famous eating attraction here in Nashville. You guys will have to survive a dinner with some very special guests. Come with me and you'll see who it is."
"But I don't even like spaghetti," Duke said, sulking along.
Sunny rolled his eyes, "Duke, it's a restaurant. There will be more than spaghetti." Duke spit towards Sunny.
"Woah!" Reddy cried, "Duke report to the Diary Room! We got some violence in the Big Brother House!" Everyone ignored him.
Survivor: Reddy is so freaking dilusional. Is it really that hard to comprehend that we aren't on Big Brother? I mean seriously! You know what I think? I think it's all an act. I think its his strategy.
Jax: So far I haven't really done anything. This season isn't letting me apply my physical skills as much as I was hoping.
Soon, the contestants reached the resturant, and they took their seats at a big table. Coke sat on his phone trying to do a Survivor game on tengaged.
"Coke, put your phone away. It's dinnertime," Jay snapped. Everyone turned and looked at her. "Sorry," she apologized, "It's my motherly instinct coming out! Giggle!"
"I need to win this!" Coke groaned, "It's like my dream to win Survivor! This is like the only chance I'll ever have!"
Avery rubbed his head in annoyance. "Coke, you're on Survivor right now."
"Not according to some people," Coke murmured, glancing at Reddy.
Nalyd told the contestants to settle down, and he reviled the twist to them. "You guys are going to have to survive a dinner here at the spaghetti factory," Nalyd said, "with well-known Survivor contestants."
"Wait," Dra interuppted, "You mean this is the real deal? These people are actually from Survivor?" Nalyd nodded. "Ugh, I don't even watch Survivor!"
Survivor glanced at Dra. "And that's why you'll be sitting out," he snapped, "We are sitting out two people, right?" Nalyd grinned. "Yep."
"We sit out Dra and Trey."
Trey looked shocked and offended. "Woah, woah, woah, woah," he sputtered, "Who made you boss."
Survivor rolled his eyes. "Well considering I'm the only Survivor superfan here... I think the role is suitable."
"I have no problem with sitting out Dra and Matt99-- I mean Trey," Coke agreed, still on his phone.
Survivor: I like Coke. He's the kind of guy who only talks when he needs to. I think the two of us can become very good friends.
Maxwell: I couldn't be happier about being on the Villains tribe. We're getting sooooo much screentime. By the way, I got Julian to hack into the confessional cam last night. Survivor is trying so hard to get CPN, and I'm just a g.oddess as usual.
Trey: Sitting me out was a stupid move. I'm amazing.
Dra: I had no problem with sitting out. I hate Survivor, simple as that.
Bruno: I wish I had something interesting to talk about...
"Here's how this is going to work," Nalyd explained, "I'm going to bring a Survivor contestant in to eat dinner with you guys. That contestant will have a button next to their plate. If they hit the button, the chair of whoever they want will turn red, meaning that person is out of the challenge. Once two people are eliminated, we'll bring in a new Survivor contestant. The tribe to have all their contestants eliminated first loses a shot at immunity. Since Dra and Trey sat out, it's 10 vs 10."
"Alright," Avery urged, "Bring in the first contestant already! I'm excited!"
Nalyd snapped his fingers, and Crystal Cox walked in and sat down in front of a heaping bowl of spaghetti. Out of nowhere, Bruno began screaming at the top of his lungs, "OH MY G.ODDESS. CRYSTAL COX IS HERE. RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW. OH. MY. GOD." Mana scooted his chair away from the screaming boy.
"Go!" Nalyd shouted. Everyone sat there, not knowing what to do.
"So do we just eat?" Jax asked irritably. Nalyd nodded.
"Ugh, so it's a 'last-man-standing' challenge?" Dyna groaned, "How uninspired." Nalyd shrugged.
Bruno was still obsessing over Crystal. "Can I have your autograph? Can I interview you? Can I give you a hug?"
Finally, Crystal put her fork down and stuck out her lip. "Eat yo rice." she ordered.
Bruno raised his eyebrow. "But... there isn't any rice here."
"Eat yo' rice."
"I can't!" Bruno cried.
"Eat yo' rice."
"There's only spaghetti!"
Finally, Crystal rolled her eyes and hit the button. Bruno's chair flashed red, and he began to scream in pain. "IT BURNS!" he cried.
"Forgetchu, go home, goodbye," Crystal grunted as Bruno lept off his chair." Nalyd grinned. "Ok, heroes are down to 9. Villains winning."
"I'm surprised I'm doing so well for such a lame and uninspired challenge." Dyna said bluntly.
Crystal eyed him angrily. "Eat. Yo. Rice." she demanded.
"Don't tell me to do nuthing." Dyna replied casually.
Tobi: What the hell is happening right now?
"Eat yo' rice!" Crystal shouted again. Dyna shrugged it off. "I'm a grown man, Crystal. Don't tell me to do nuthing." Crystal slammed on the button, sending Dyna leaping off his chair in searing pain.
"Oh god!" Dyna cried, "I've never felt anything like that before!"
"Not so 'uninspired' now, is it?" Nalyd said. "Anyway, now that Crystal has eliminated two people, it's time for her to leave, and for a new Survivor to come in."
As Crystal got up and left, Bruno lunged at her for a hug, only to find him being pushed away by her brute force. Suddenly, Brandon Hantz came in.
"I see you're a fan of the crazy contestants, eh, Nalyd?" Survivor remarked.
Nalyd shook his head. "Nah, but they make for great television."
"Hi, Brandon!" Mika said, "You seem cool! Maybe if you don't eliminate me, we could talk for a while."
Brandon eyeballed the poor girl. "I'M THE AUTHOR OF MY OWN FATE, BITCH!" he shreiked, hitting the button and sending Mika running off her chair screaming in pain.
"Heh," Maxwell chuckled, causing Brandon to turn around and look at him.
"What're you laughing at?" Brandon snapped, a hint of crazy piercing his eyes.
"I'm laughing at Mika," Maxwell replied flatly. "And you can stop trying for that OTTNN5 edit. We all see right through it."
Brandon's face turned lava red as he dumped Maxwell's spaghetti all over him, leaving Maxwell in a tomatoey mess.
"Hey!" Nalyd cried, "You have a button for a reason!"
Brandon shrugged and hit the button.
"Wow," Nalyd announced, "Villains are actually losing the challenge. It's 9 to 7, with Heroes in the lead."
"GO US!" Mana cheered.
"Whoa," Coke said, looking up from his phone. "Mana said something." Everyone gasped.
Nalyd waved goodbye to Brandon. "You dumped the spaghetti, and got yourself kicked out... just like Caramoan." Everyone giggled.
Suddenly, Courtney Yates walked in.
"Finally," Toad said, "A normal Survivor."
"The worst kind," Survivor remarked.
Courtney giggled, "Um, I don't really know why I'm here. Nalyd told me I'm getting paid for this... so..."
"G.oddess," Coke grinned.
Courtney smiled awkwardly, "Well thanks. Are you all horny teenage boys?"
Mika frowned. "I'm not."
"Oh, sorry," Courtney smiled, "Well, I don't really know who to eliminate... so... um..." Courtney pressed the button, not knowing who would be eliminated.
Moments later, Jax leapt off his seat, shrieking.
Courtney shrugged and hit the button again. This time, Mana was burned.
"Wow," Nalyd said, "Thanks to Courtney, we're tied again. It's 7 on 7." Courtney left without a word.
Jax: I think it was stupif how I got eliminated. If the heroes lose this, I swear...
Zac: Now that Mikey's gone, I'm too afraid to socialize. I'm completely alone. But wait... Avery. Avery and I are pretty good friends. Maybe I can reach out to him. Zac isn't gone yet, my lovelies!
Over the course of the challenge, more, less interesting contestants arrived. When Susie Smith came in, everyone fell asleep. Getting annoyed, she eliminated Coke and Avery. Coke had been the only person to say anything to her.
"Hey, Susie!" Coke had greeted.
"Hello, girl." Susie replied.
Coke frowned. "I'm a boy. Anyway, if I win the million dollars, which I will, there's something I'd like to buy for you."
"What is it?" Susie asked, not interested.
"I'm gonna get you surgery to have your vocal cords removed!" Coke laughed and went back to his phone.
Eventually, the challenge was down to 3 vs 3. For the Heroes, Gideon, Toad, and Zac were still standing. For the Villains, Owen, Sunny, and Duke were still standing.
"Can I have your spaghetti?" Owen asked Sunny, who hadn't touched his spaghetti at all.
Sunny shoved his plate to Owen without a word.
Just then, Coach Wade strutted in proudly.
"Oh god..." Sunny groaned.
Coach sat down quietly, and set his hands flatly on the dinner table. "Here's how I will do this," he told the remaining 6. I am going to test your auras. If I sense corrupt or bad auras, I shall hit this button, thus slaying the dragon and eliminating you. Am I clear?"
"As ridiculous as this is..." Toad moaned, "Crystal."
Coach put out his hands in a creepy yoga pose, and turned to Duke. He began by staring into Duke's eyes.
"This... is... so... awkward." Duke remarked quietly.
"Shut up and deal with it, Duke," Sunny grunted, "Do you want to win or not?"
Coach shut his eyes. "Duke's clean." Duke shrugged.
Next, Coach turned to Zac. Coach stared at him for only two seconds, before he had to turn away. "I sense a stench in your aura. Something is wrong."
"Oh, sorry," Owen burped, "That's probably me."
Coach frowned at Owen. Impatiently, he hit the button twice, sending Zac and Owen off their chairs. Owen was too tired to run away, so he just plopped on the ground and wept. Coach left.
"We're down to two on each team," Nalyd clarified.
"Figures Gideon is still in," Julian said from beside the table, "He's so likable."
"Why thank you," Gideon smiled warmly.
Julian raised an eyebrow. "That wasn't a compliment. I want to be you." Everyone stared at Julian.
"I am so not getting enough screentime," Trey whined. No one paid attention.
The last guest of the day finally came in. It was none other than Sandra Diaz Twine.
"I'm not familiar with this person," Gideon said as Sandra sat down.
Toad glanced at him. "That's Sandra Diaz Twine. She's the only two-time winner in Survivor history."
"You got dat right," Sandra grinned.
"Oh," Gideon replied, "Well I'm honored to be in your presence."
"Can't say the same about you," Sandra snapped, observing Gideon from the top down.
Jay cheered, "You got this, Gid!"
Just then, Duke accidentally knocked Sunny's fork off the table. "Watch it," Sunny frowned.
"Sorry, jeez," Duke replied, "It was an accident."
"How would you like it if I knocked your fork on the ground." With that, Sunny picked up Duke's fork and hurled it across the air. It ended up just missing Avery's head.
"Wow!" Zac exclaimed, "Close shave, Avery!"
Duke: Sunny should have been removed from the game for that. I can't stand him being here anymore. As soon as the Villains lose a challenge, he's out of here.
Sandra watched Duke and Sunny fight intently. "I CAN GET LOUD TOO, WTF!" Sandra shouted, banging on the table.
"Hey, hey," Gideon complained, "Let's all calm down now, shall we?"
Sandra turned around and eyed him feircly. She hit the button, sending Gideon calmly walking away from his chair.
"Oh no," moaned Toad, the last remaining Hero.
"Go, Toad!" Bruno encouraged, "You got this!"
"I need a yellow level to trend me..." Coke whined hopelessly.
Avery looked over at Coke's screen. "I can trend you if you want."
"No, Avery. No helping the enemy," Julian ordered. "Fine..." Avery said.
Nalyd looked at his watch. "Ugh, this is taking much longer than I expected. Sandra, can we finish this up."
"You got it!" Sandra said. She hit the button, sending the final hero, Toad, running off of his burning seat.
"We did it again!" Maxwell yelled, "This sucks!"
"What are you talking about?" Mika said, "This is great!"
Maxwell shook his head. "We have yet to go to a Tribal Council, meaning we're severly lacking any screentime."
"Alright, guys," Nalyd said, "Head back to the RV. Heroes, you got Tribal Council tonight." He scanned the remaining Heroes. "And it should be a good one."
All the contestants headed back to the RV, the Heroes dreading yet another elimination.
Zac: If I want to stay in this game, I need to reach out to Avery. I know he has an alliance with Tobi, Jay, and Gideon, and I know they're a powerhouse.
Back at the RV, The Toad Alliance was talking about the weakest link.
"I love Jay," Mana admitted, "But she's not very helpful. In physical challenges, she holds us back, and in mental challenges, she's annoying. Plus, she's in the other alliance."
"Yes but we can't eliminate her," Jax argued. "What about... Tobi?"
"I'm good with Tobi," Toad agreed.
Mana shook his head. "I'm voting Jay. Sorry."
Meanwhile, The Avery Alliance was also meeting.
"Can we please go for Julian tonight?" Avery groaned. I can't stand him.
"No, no," Gideon objected, "What about Zac? He's just hanging around in the middle."
"Zac is good..." Tobi said, sounding like he hadn't fully decided.
"Speaking of Zac..." Jay said nervously, looking at Zac, who was walking up to the group.
Zac smiled. "Hello, my pretties. Any room left in your alliance?"
"I don't see why we need you," Tobi said confidently.
"Hmph," Zac grunted, "Well, let's see. There's another alliance on this tribe with the same amount of members, but if I were to... oh, I don't know, sway to the other side, one of you could be gone next."
Jay: When did my lovely Zac get so... evil!!???!!!
Avery: Nicely played, Zac. Nicely played.
Tobi: What a bastard.
Zac: I plan to take Jay and Avery to the final 3, if I can. Jay isn't going to make any strategic moves during the game, so I can hold that against her at the final tribal. And everyone knows Avery sucks in front of a jury. This is perfect...
"Fine." Gideon surrendered. "Who do you want to eliminate?"
"Jax," Zac said firmly.
Tobi and Avery looked at each other, shocked. "What?" Tobi questioned, "Jax is one of the best physical players on the team! We need him!"
"Look guys," Zac pursuaded, "We need to start thinking long term. Once the merge comes, Jax is gonna dominate. And if you think about it, Jax hasn't really helped us yet."
"No way," Jay denied, "I can't do it. Anyone but Jax."
Zac shrugged. "Suit yourself."
At Tribal, Jay got the first question.
"Jay," Nalyd asked, "What are you basing your vote on, tonight?"
Jay shrugged weakly. "Honestly, I don't even know who I'm voting for tonight. I'm so unprepared!" She started to cry. Gideon patted her back, looking hurt. Zac rolled his eyes.
"Avery," Nalyd moved on, "If there's anyone on the tribe who's changed the most since the first day here, who would it be?"
"Zac," Avery said without hesitation. "Zac has definitely changed." Zac looked down.
"Time to vote," Nalyd said, "Mana, you're up first."
Mana: *holds up vote* I love you Jay. It's just... you need to go if we want to strenghten this tribe.
A shot of Jay crying is shown.
Zac: *holds up vote* Jax. Hope this works.
A shot of Jax looking around nervously is shown.
Tobi: *holds up vote* Wow, Zac. You've changed.
A shot of Zac looking regretful as Jay cries is shown.
Once everyone voted, Nalyd collected the votes, and came back out with the urn. "Once the votes are read, the person with the most votes will be asked to get their butt out of my RV."
"Wow," Gideon frowned, "How professional."
"Third vote.................................................................................................Jay. That's two votes Jay, one vote Zac."
Jay stopped weeping, and looked at Nalyd intensly.
"Shoot," Zac muttered under his breath.
Zac took a deep breath.
"Sixth vote..............................................Jax. Seventh vote.......................................Tobi."
"That's two votes Jay. One vote Zac. Two votes Tobi. Two votes Jax.
Everyone looked confused. Julian shrugged. "I wasn't informed."
Zac shook his head. Jax bit his lip. Jay dug her face in her hands. Tobi looked at Avery worriedly.
"Final vote.................................................................third person voted out of Survivor: User Roadtrip..............
.....Jax. Sorry, it's time to go."
Jax looked utterly shocked. "Wow. Really? I was trying to help you guys." Jax handed his torch to Nalyd.
Bruno sighed, "Jax. I don't know how this happened. I'm so sorry." Mana nodded.
"Whatever. In the future, don't split votes," Jax said.
"Jax," Nalyd recited, "The tribe has spoken. Head back to your rooms. Have a good night."
The screen faded to black, with Jax's voice being heard over the votes being shown.
"I honestly have no idea what just happened. That was the stupidest blindside ever. I know it was Zac. I hope Bruno, Mana, and Toad have the brains to vote him out as soon as possible. At least it was fun while it lasted..."
Jax - Zac, Jay, Gideon
Zac - Avery, Tobi
Gideon - Julian
Jay - Bruno, Mana
Tobi - Jax, Toad